Lost.

everytime i come to this very page i will be stuck for very long. sometimes i will just crap out a whole page of nonsense and at the very end while i read through again, i will just cross this whole window.

i'm getting more and more bored.

everyone's preparing for OP now, even i am feeling nervous about the whole OP thing already. i realize i cant do shit in front of a crowd. when there are a couple of eyes looking at me, my hand will subconciously shiver and my voice will tremble. then my mind will be totally blanked out. even if it is a well prepared script, at the very end, me and my phobia for presentations ruin it all.

NUS, NTU and SMU came to vjc today to give their 20minutes each talk for us and my mom who is sitting amongst the crowd. then i kept looking at the courses and thinking and i came to no conclusion. what i want for my future. actually, i honestly do not want it to come. i dread it. i love what it is now, exam stress and fun.

business, engineer, medicine, whatever.
i see no passion for any of them. if u ask "what about saxophone?", all i can say is, saxophone is something that i do for my pastime, when i am free, when i am emo, when i suddenly feel a surge of musical flow in me, or when i want to impress. i will never ever walk a musical path.

im lost.


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everytime i read through my posts i keep wondering why i can be quite so serious here when in reality, i cant.